Christmas Wish.

You're so sweet.

Honestly when I look at you I see the kindest, sweetest man on earth.
You're the epitome of goodness in this world.


I feel like i'm not worthy to even be considered by you.

I had so much fun tonight... I've never laughed and smiled so much in the course of 4 hours.

We joked and talked about random things and there always seemed to be a laugh from you or a smile.



I'm so scared that you'll see the darkness in me. I'm not the person you think i am.

You think i'm a sweet girl who sees the good in everything and has a passion for music.

But you don't see the part of me that hates the world and just wants to sit secluded in a dark room forever.
You don't see the part of me that wants to die.


If you see that part of me, would you still like me?

Do you even like me?

I like you... I really do.
You give me hope in a hopeless world.
You stand for everything the light side of me believes in.


I loved that moment when we were laughing quietly with our foreheads touching and our giggles muffled in the middle of that giant concert hall. I loved standing next to you and feeling you towering over me and your body heat warming me against that god forsaken cold draft. I loved hearing you sing. I loved talking with you and feeling like I could be both the nerdy me and the kid me.

I love how you understand me.


I love how you make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world without trying.


And you're doing all of this in the position of 'a friend'.

I love how you don't care about our age difference. I love how you laugh at my terrible jokes. I love the way your eyes crinkle when you smile.



I'm so scared that i won't be enough for you.
I'm scared that you'll see me as some immature first year girl who doesn't know the first thing about life.

I love how you're such a romantic at heart. I love how you're not ashamed of who you are. I love how i felt safe when you hugged me at the lrt station. I love how you tried to warm me up when i was shivering in my boots. I love how nerdy you are. I love how you stayed up until 6 in the morning finishing your essay just so you could come with me to the concert tonight.


You're amazing. You truly are.

The only word that i can think of that describes you is genuine.

You are like the purest light that shines through the clouds on a overcast day. You see the good in people and you accept them for who they are.


Can you accept me?


I hope you can. Because i think that if you were to suddenly walk out of my life, it would break my heart.


I've only known you for less than a month and have hung around you in person for less than 24 hours and this is what I've become.


You're special. Whatever girl let you go was clearly an idiot. She didn't know what she was losing.

I'm scared... but i can only trust and believe that you will like me for who i am.


Whatever will come, will come. I just hope that my future has you in it M.K.

That's all i'm wishing for this Christmas.

Soldier it.

I'm scared.

Of what we could become, or what we can't.


This is exactly why i'm more comfortable wishing from the sidelines.
I can give advice, but when it comes down to it, i'm just as helpless as anyone else when this situation rolls around in my life.

Just gotta soldier on.

Okay.

It's enough to just close my eyes and feel the wind on my face,
because i know that's the closest i'll ever come.


And that's okay with me.