Sweet Madness.

I want to go home to a place that doesn't exist
anywhere else but inside my secluded mind.
A deluded madness
that comforts
and saddens.
A place of illusion
that makes reality seem like a nightmare.
Dreaming of places
won't get me anywhere
but sitting here
i just stop and stare
because i know
that if i close my eyes
i will lose myself in that illusion
and wish to die.

Blood.

Do you know
that i cry at night for you?

I cry because you're sad
and you think that no one cares
but i really really do

I cry because you do things with good intentions
but you can never seem to express that.

I cry because i want to tell you
'i love you'
but i can never get the words out.

I'm sorry i'm so inept at showing my emotions.

But i don't know what i can do to make you understand
Blood is thick.
It's okay to trust people.
It's okay to believe.

I'm so sorry that i'm such an ungrateful person.
But i really do care.

Because after all,
You're my mom right?

In Too Deep.

and now i can't get out.

I knew this would happen, and yet i didn't try to stop it.



I have only myself to blame.

Yet is it bad that i don't regret this in the least?

because at least for a while... i could pretend to myself that it would all be okay...
and that i would be happy.

Static.

Everyone is moving forwards.

Things are changing,
people are changing,
I'm not.

Why?

There's only so much that i can change into before i lose myself completely.

I'm scared that if i change anymore, i'll forget who i was to begin with.
I want to be me.

I want to be happy by being me.
I need to change
otherwise i'll be left behind.

I can't change,
because if i change anymore, i won't be me any longer.
I'm too easily lost.
Other people can change as much as they want during their lifetime, and they'll never forget who they are.
I will.
It's because i don't like the real me
that i'm so easily lost.

If i change...

I'll just be an empty shell full of lies that i used to call 'me'.

Sometimes...



sometimes i wish that i wasn't me.