Frustrated.

-sigh-

I'm just so frustrated right now.

Please.

Sometimes i wonder what would've happened had i actually said yes when you asked me out...




I'm sorry i can't make you feel better right now.


You mean the world to me.

Please feel better...

Stupid.

Haha... oh god.


I"m so stupid...

I hate this.

Sorry.

I lied to you.

I'm sorry.

Patience.

I'm happy that i finally understand where we stand, and what we are to each other.






I'm waiting.

Stop.

Stop it.



Just...











Stop it.

FML.

Fuck my life.

Fuck my life.

Fuck my life.

Fuck my life.











Just...
Fuck my life...





I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm so tired of everything.













Fuck it all.

Scared.

I can't remember the last time i was this scared of telling someone something.



I'm shaking.


But,
I'm going to do it.



Because i know that if i don't,
i'm never going to be able to move forward.
and i can't stop in life.
Because time won't stop for me.

Cowardly.

Do or die.



All it takes is 2 buttons.

So why can't i just get this over with?












I'm such a coward.

Pathetic.

Haha...

i'm so pathetic.

Hate.

It's crunch time you guys.
Lets get moving.
We've got so much to do and so little time...





Literally.



So why don't you pick up the pace, and actually do something for once,
because right now, you're not helping anyone, and you're just going to embarrass yourself in the end.




I love music.
Don't make me hate it anymore than i do right now.





Don't make me hate the one thing that makes me happy.

Weak.

You're making me cry...

Damn it.





I thought i wasn't this weak.

Contradict.

You said you wanted to be there for me to make things better whenever i was sad.

You said you would always be there for me when i needed it.


You also said that it was because i was such a great friend, that you wanted to protect me.




Would you believe that what you just made me sad?

Because i don't want to just be your friend.


I'm happy... but i'm sad.

Because i don't know if you see me the same way i see you.

Again.

I feel so empty right now...



Is anything worth it anymore?
Is anyone worth it anymore?




I don't even know why i'm feeling like this.


Fuck.

Stupid.

Haha...

i'm just being stupid.


just like always right?


Stupid, stupid me.

Take Over.

Boy,

you've already wormed your way into my heart

and taken over it.

Against the Odds.

I wonder if you know how much you mean to me.


Do you know that the reason i stand so close to you is because it makes me feel safer?

Do you know that the reason i always text you is because you can make my day with just one sentence?

Do you know that even though i said i wouldn't like someone until after i finished high school, you somehow managed to worm your way into my life, and now you're someone who i always look forward to seeing?



Can you read between the lines?

Do you know what i'm trying to say?


How the hell did you make me like you so much?

Trapped.

you've got me wrapped around your finger now.

It's all up to you what happens between us.

Not Because.

I'm not crying because the Episode was sad.


I'm crying because i know exactly how she feels.





I'm crying because that's me.

Things Fall Apart.

No. Not the novel. But the title of Achebe's novel really does describe how i feel.

Things are falling apart.
Bit by bit,
pieces are drifting away
until all that's left is the scared little girl quivering underneath her shell.

I don't want to come out of this wall i've built.
But lately, stress has been getting to me and i've found that little by little,
i'm slowly revealing more of who i really am.

and i don't want to.

It's true. I dislike people in general.
Is that really a problem?
Why is it people always ask me
"Whats wrong?"
when i'm just being me?
and yet when i put up a fake smile
and lie to the world
no one bothers to look past it and ask me genuinely why i'm sad.

I need my alone time more than anything.
That's when i sort out my thoughts and feelings and prepare myself for another day.
I haven't had that time for a while now.
and i'm slowly falling apart.
I don't have the energy to keep trying to put up a facade so that people don't worry.
The only reason i do it is because this is how you guys are used to me
and if i suddenly drop it,
it'll hurt everyone.
Not because they don't like me for me,
but because they will blame themselves for not seeing past it all.

I don't think i could do that to everyone.
Because you guys mean more to me than the world.

When i was alone,
you guys were there.
When i cried,
you guys were there.
When no one else cared,
you guys cared more than everyone i knew combined.

I really hate talking about my emotions to my family
and i have no vent other than at school.
but i can't vent to you guys all the time,
otherwise you'd just get fed up with all my shit.
But that's the truth i guess...
there's just so much that i keep in
because i can't say it out loud.

I can't even begin to describe just how much my friends mean to me.
And yet, when they're sad, i don't do anything about it.
I know that everything is just a lie.
You guys aren't really as happy as you look or act.
I know that you're depressed.
But i just don't know how to approach you.
I want to help.
I really really do.
But what can i do?
All i'm doing now is trying to stay by your sides and make sure that you know i'm here if you need me.
But is that really enough?

Things aren't falling apart for only me.
It's crunch time for everyone else too.

Why should i expect people to care for me,
when in reality,
it seems like i don't care for them?

I hoping that this will all blow over soon.
Because God knows,

There's only so much one can take before falling.

Love.

...i think i love you...





but do you love me too?

Do You?

I shouldn't hope. I really shouldn't.


but you're giving me hope.



I wonder, do you even like me the way i like you?