Miss You.

I'm an idiot for falling this far.
Look at what you do to me.


I'm crying because i miss you.

Dance To the Music.

I love hugging you. Did you know that? You're not the only one wishing that our hugs last forever.

Did you like my letter? Did you like what was behind door number two (+3+4+5.5)??

I loved watching your reactions as you read my letter.
I loved how when you finished you didn't even say anything; you just opened your arms and i naturally flew into them.

Did i touch your heart? I hope i did.

I'm so happy that i finally got to read your texts too.

I think i loved number 6 the most :), but number 3 was sweet too. I'm definitely looking forward to the second half of two! you stopped right at the good part!

I'll always hug you tightly. I want to protect you, and be protected.

I don't want to be caught by anyone other than you. I'm a picky fish :P I like certain types of bait. I've already looked through the ocean but i didn't like what i found.

Do you smile when you see my name pop up on your phone like i do?
Do you talk to Tyler about me when i'm not around?
Does your face split into a goofy grin when you think of me?
Do you laugh out loud unabashedly when I say/text you something funny?


Do you think, that if we both wish for the same thing at 11:11, we'll get our wish? I'll wish every night, every day if it will come true. I know you wish too.

I love watching you blush. It's really cute. You look absolutely adorable when you try to hide your face.

Remember on Wednesday (2011.12.7) when we sat in HUB talking and debating for hours? You were so embarrassed. It was like watching a little kid. It made my day.

Aren't you glad that you didn't wait until Christmas to give me the text messages? You were 90% sure that i would react in a good way, and you were right. I couldn't stop smiling today. We're almost there; we're sitting at 95% right now. 5 more percent and we'll finally reach that stage that we both are working towards.

I'm excited.

What did you plan for tomorrow?
I don't know where this 'little adventure' of yours will take us.
We're meeting at campus so i suppose it's close by?

Can i hold your hand?
Will you hold mine?


Can i greet you with a hug?
Can that hug last forever?


Can i just stay there in your arms forever?


You told me that you were almost completely sure about me because of our 'eye contact'.
It's not my fault that i love your eyes.
They're a really pretty blue... It reminds me of the sky and the ocean. It reminds me of freedom.

It's funny isn't it?
I've always said how much i love the sky. It makes me happy to see that endless blue. It makes me feel like i'm 'home'.

Your eyes are an exact copy of that.

I usually don't hold eye contact with people very long, but i think i could probably stare at yours forever.

Today when we were walking with your arm around my shoulders and my arm around your waist... it felt right.
Maybe it was because of the height difference that it worked out nicely :P or maybe it was just how it was supposed to be.

When we were walking, i remember having this thought go through my head:

I want to be here to heal the scars in your heart. So even if we don't last forever, I will have healed you enough that so that the next girl can make you happier without your past scars aching.

I want you to be happy.
I want to make you happy.

But I am realistic enough to realize that some things might not last forever.
But I am also optimistic enough to know that some things do.

However long we last, I want to be there for you.

I will do my best to mend your heart.
(The nerd in me right now is screaming 'HEAL!' 'REVIVE!' 'POTION!' and waving a tiny staff around... LOL facepalm)

I also want to say that I absolutely adore your best friend!
I'm so glad you have such good friends...
Tyler is hilarious! He's such a good person... i hope that one day he'll be happy too.

I love how we can joke around. I love how natural it feels to talk to you. I feel like i can tell you just about anything.

I love how you wanted to invite me to red deer.
I want to see your past.
I want to see the people you love.
I want to know you better.


I can't believe that no girl has ever treated you this nice.
I really can't believe it.

I'm sorry, but those girls were stupid.

If you have something precious, treat it like so.

If you don't appreciate what you have, it will eventually slip through your grasp.

Like hell i'm letting you go.
You're precious to me, and i'm going make damned sure you know it.


Who on earth is stupid enough to let go of such an amazing person?


Sorry. I'll stop bashing.


Btw... i really like your cologne. Haha, is that weird?

When you hug me it's really warm. I pretty much melt. (not in a swoony way!)
It's cute how you have the 'strong man' look, yet you have such a weakness for the cold.

I promise next time i'll hug you to warm you up.
Or i'll just make you blush.

One of the two.

Remember today when we were hugging on the couch in sub?
Your neck was so warm. I remember that because i couldn't help but bury my face into your neck.
I felt safe.
I like hugging you.
My arms are the perfect length to wrap around you.
You're at the perfect height too! my head rests nicely on your chest.

I look forward to the day when I can fall asleep to that heartbeat.



Since you told me a little secret, i'll tell you one as well:
My favourite part is when you press your face against my hair and hug me tightly. It makes me feel warm, protected, and adored. It makes me feel like you want to get closer even though it's physically impossible.



I'm Cinderella, and you're Prince charming.
We've finally found each other,
Now we're dancing.

"See the lights; see the party the ball gowns.
See you make your way through the crowd to say hello...
Little did i know
that you were Romeo" - Taylor Swift, "Love Story"

Thoughts About Today.

You are such a brave person. Truly and honestly.
You find the strength and courage to keep going even though you've been hurt so many times.

Living takes more courage than dying.

When you told me about how you were bullied and saw your name carved into the bathroom stall with insults, my heart broke for you.

I've never been bullied. Well, not to that extent anyways.

I can't even begin to imagine what it was like.
How much it hurt.
The fact that you're still here today smiling is an amazing thing.
I don't think I would be able to do that.


I told you today that I'm not afraid of death.
I'm not.
I'm happy that if I were the one on the bed, you would be there to stop me from pulling the plug.


I don't know how you do it. You keep going even when it honestly feels like there's no hope. You turned your life completely around when most people would say there's no future for you.


You told me about who you used to be. I can't see anything of that person in you today. I can't ever imagine you hurting another person physically. I can't even imagine you saying hurtful words.

How do you do it?

I wish I had the same courage as you...
I'm pathetic. My life seems like rainbows and sunshine compared to yours, yet you're the one who would fight tooth and nail to live and i'm the one who would pull the plug.

I'm glad we hung out today.
We learned a lot about each other today.
I was scared to open up to you because I thought you would hate the darker me.
Even though you've probably only seen a glimpse of that part of me, you didn't hate me for it. You understood.

And you opened up to me too.

Obviously there are things that we'll tell each other at a later date, but I'm glad that you know me a little better. I'm glad I know you better too.


I'm sorry for everything you had to go through in junior high and high school. I'm sorry you didn't have the amazing friends you have today. I wish I had been there so you wouldn't have hurt as much. I hope I can be there in the future if you're ever hurt like that again.


You give me real hope. Not those simple little things they post on GMH.com, you truly and honestly give me hope.


You're slowly restoring the faith I had lost in humanity.
You remind me that there's still good in people even though I rarely see it.


I admire the way you're trying to change. You don't drink anymore (with exception for special occasions) and you study so hard.

You love your siblings. You have such a brother complex.

You told me that I had a big heart. I don't think that's true. Compared to you, i'm conceited and selfish.

You see the good in everyone, even when you see the bad, you accept them for who they are.

You didn't recoil when I told you that I wouldn't care if I died. You didn't recoil when I told you how terrible a daughter I am. You just told me 'it makes me want to hug you'.

Do you know how much that meant to me?

It told me that you didn't care about my past or my bad side.
It told me that you were okay with me as a person and you still liked me for I am.




How do you do it?


I won't lie.
When you accidentally slipped 'I can't wait until you meet my mom', it made me happy.
It meant that you saw me in your future... no matter how you tried to cover it up with your 'i mean, if you do...'

I actually want to meet your mom.

I want to go up to her and hug her and tell her 'you raised a wonderful son. No matter how hard your life was, you should be proud that you raised such an amazing human being.'

You laugh and tell me that I remind you of your mom except that I'm younger and asian. I have a mom instinct, but you have a dad instinct too.

I can imagine you as a dad. The minute you told me about those little kids at the place where you volunteer I could picture you as a dad.

I know you want to be a dad too. You told me that if you were able to have kids and live a happy life, you would be okay with dying.

You're looking for Cinderella.

I'm at the ball. I'm just waiting for the clock to strike twelve.

A Matter of Time.

I haven't cried like that for over 4 months.

It hurts less to cry by yourself than to cry around people who don't give a fucking shit.

Relapse.

I'm so tired of this same shit over and over, if not, i'm going to relapse.


and i don't want to go back to that period in my life.