Thoughts About Today.

You are such a brave person. Truly and honestly.
You find the strength and courage to keep going even though you've been hurt so many times.

Living takes more courage than dying.

When you told me about how you were bullied and saw your name carved into the bathroom stall with insults, my heart broke for you.

I've never been bullied. Well, not to that extent anyways.

I can't even begin to imagine what it was like.
How much it hurt.
The fact that you're still here today smiling is an amazing thing.
I don't think I would be able to do that.


I told you today that I'm not afraid of death.
I'm not.
I'm happy that if I were the one on the bed, you would be there to stop me from pulling the plug.


I don't know how you do it. You keep going even when it honestly feels like there's no hope. You turned your life completely around when most people would say there's no future for you.


You told me about who you used to be. I can't see anything of that person in you today. I can't ever imagine you hurting another person physically. I can't even imagine you saying hurtful words.

How do you do it?

I wish I had the same courage as you...
I'm pathetic. My life seems like rainbows and sunshine compared to yours, yet you're the one who would fight tooth and nail to live and i'm the one who would pull the plug.

I'm glad we hung out today.
We learned a lot about each other today.
I was scared to open up to you because I thought you would hate the darker me.
Even though you've probably only seen a glimpse of that part of me, you didn't hate me for it. You understood.

And you opened up to me too.

Obviously there are things that we'll tell each other at a later date, but I'm glad that you know me a little better. I'm glad I know you better too.


I'm sorry for everything you had to go through in junior high and high school. I'm sorry you didn't have the amazing friends you have today. I wish I had been there so you wouldn't have hurt as much. I hope I can be there in the future if you're ever hurt like that again.


You give me real hope. Not those simple little things they post on GMH.com, you truly and honestly give me hope.


You're slowly restoring the faith I had lost in humanity.
You remind me that there's still good in people even though I rarely see it.


I admire the way you're trying to change. You don't drink anymore (with exception for special occasions) and you study so hard.

You love your siblings. You have such a brother complex.

You told me that I had a big heart. I don't think that's true. Compared to you, i'm conceited and selfish.

You see the good in everyone, even when you see the bad, you accept them for who they are.

You didn't recoil when I told you that I wouldn't care if I died. You didn't recoil when I told you how terrible a daughter I am. You just told me 'it makes me want to hug you'.

Do you know how much that meant to me?

It told me that you didn't care about my past or my bad side.
It told me that you were okay with me as a person and you still liked me for I am.




How do you do it?


I won't lie.
When you accidentally slipped 'I can't wait until you meet my mom', it made me happy.
It meant that you saw me in your future... no matter how you tried to cover it up with your 'i mean, if you do...'

I actually want to meet your mom.

I want to go up to her and hug her and tell her 'you raised a wonderful son. No matter how hard your life was, you should be proud that you raised such an amazing human being.'

You laugh and tell me that I remind you of your mom except that I'm younger and asian. I have a mom instinct, but you have a dad instinct too.

I can imagine you as a dad. The minute you told me about those little kids at the place where you volunteer I could picture you as a dad.

I know you want to be a dad too. You told me that if you were able to have kids and live a happy life, you would be okay with dying.

You're looking for Cinderella.

I'm at the ball. I'm just waiting for the clock to strike twelve.