Desire.

I am guilty.
Guilty of a sin, a sin that we all partake in, no matter our age, sex, or views in life.
I desire.
I want to go out and take what can't be taken.
I desire solitude.
I feel this desire gnawing at my soul every day.
And with each day, the desire only grows stronger and stronger.
I want to be alone.
It's so controversial isn't it? humans were hardwired to crave companionship, and after all these years, that craving has slowly morphed into a need; a need required for us to survive.
I too, am human. I too crave companionship. But sometimes i think that i would be so much happier alone than any partner could ever hope to achieve by standing by my side.
More than once, i have nearly cut off my ties from this world.
More than once, i have wished that every human being on this planet would just disappear... or that i would disappear into another world where i could be alone.
I despise humanity.
I despise our weaknesses and flaws.
I hate how we judge, i hate how we lust, i hate how greedy we are.
They aren't called the seven deadly sins for nothing.
These sins corrupt us. And in the end, they will inevitably kill us.
To die by our own hands.
Isn't suicide the ultimate sin?
We are slowly destroying what god gave us, we are tearing this world apart from the inside out.
It starts in the soul of man and it grows into ambition, desire, and greed which then destroys the outside world one man at a time, corrupting them with hatred and anger.
Yet there is still good in people. I have seen it. The goodness that gives me hope that maybe there is salvation for man kind.
I think this is all some cruel joke set up by a person with sick humor up there.
Human beings: the ultimate destruction. Destroyer, yet merciful and kind.
The noise never stops.
The murmuring of life, the bustle of the crowd.
I want it all to just stop.
I want everyone to just stand there and realize just who and what we are.
We're so small compared to the big picture.
I am but a micro-pixel.
But i want to change it.
But at the same time, i know i cannot, because i am merely a little girl who knows nothing in this world.
So instead of changing the world, i will change myself.
I cannot do everything, but i can do something.
Instead of companionship, i will crave solitude.
With companionship, it brings joy, love, and pain. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. To love, you must first feel pain.
I am a coward.
I run from pain. I fear it. I've felt it.
So consequently, i seek to avoid it.
And i've found that the solution is simply solitude.
When i am alone, i feel at ease.
I feel peace.
I feel calm.
I can hear myself; I can hear my own heartbeat telling me that yes, i am alive and i am my own self.
I can choose my own path.
I have nobody to tie me down, to hold me back.
I can be free.
I think, that if i were not such a coward,
i would have run away long ago.