Too Far Gone.

It's happening more and more often.
Not that i dislike it, i actually welcome it.
But i think others are more worried.

There are times when i lapse into my dream world. Literally.
I'll go blank and it'll seem like i'm unconscious on my feet with my eyes open.
When i said that sometimes i can make my dream world reality, i wasn't joking.
Though it's dangerous, because i find myself more and more reluctant to come back.
I think, if this keeps going on, one day i'm just going to lose my grip on reality forever.

Not that i mind.

Although i should really start paying attention to where exactly i drift off.
Today, i nearly crashed while riding my bike because the wind made me feel so nostalgic.
I don't even think nostalgic would be the right word because technically, i haven't really felt the wind in my dream world. I've only imagined it.
But then again, sometimes it seems so real to me that i can't tell dream from reality.
But yes, while i was riding my bike, the feel of the wind just made me suddenly drift off into my dream world.
Did NOT see that car coming.
Thank god that at least my brain was registering the things i was seeing, otherwise i wouldn't have clutched the breaks on instinct.

Is it a bad thing that the only thing i live for now other than my friends is to go to bed every night just to lay there and retreat to my dream world?
A place where i am loved,
A place where i have someone to love,
A place where i am free.
A place where i am happy.

There was only one other time where i had gone this far.
That was in elementary/junior high.
It got so bad that i even imagined the smell of that special person.
I nearly cried when i smelled that exact same scent in the real world.
That was my wake up call that things had gotten too far.
I mean, if you want to cry because of some guy that didn't even exist,
there's a problem.
But
i think i'm heading down that same road again.
And this time i'm welcoming it with open arms.

If you are reading this
and i am in the hospital for being mentally unstable...
well
at least you know
that i knew exactly where i was headed
and that i didn't bother stopping myself.