Grateful.

Is it wrong?
Is it wrong for me to loathe the hand that i've been dealt in life?
To reject the path that i have been set upon, to wish that it weren't so?

It is not that i hate my life and think that it is overly depressing,
but rather, i wish that i were not so fortunate.

The fact that i take many of my daily things for granted makes me feel so ashamed of myself.
Compared to my friends, i am spoiled rotten.
I have my every whim indulged,
I have never faced a traumatic experience,
I have never been in a hospital,
I have never lost anyone that is dearly close to me.

Yet many people i know have.
And they continue to walk their road with their heads held high.
They don't take anything for granted.
They appreciate what they have and they realize how lucky they are to have it.
It is their experience that has shaped them to become such a character.

I hate myself for wanting more.
I hate myself for being greedy and selfish.

I think i may be the only person in this world who wishes pain upon themselves.
Because maybe if i know true pain,
then i will be able to reflect back on my life and think to myself:
'I am grateful for everything.'