Cry.

You know what.
Like fucking honestly.

First of all, let me get it through your fucking ego bubble that this isn't all about YOU.
YOU'RE not always right.
Just because we don't argue back doesn't mean you're right.
It just means we're fucking tired of listening to you bitch all the time.

You think you know everything.
You really don't.
And when you KNOW you're wrong
you just suddenly change your point and pretend that you were arguing the right thing all along.

I'm so frustrated.
I haven't cried like that in so long.
I felt like screaming until i couldn't scream anymore.
But instead all i could do was fucking cry in the shower for half and hour before coming out and having to pretend like everything was FUCKING okay when it FUCKING wasn't.

And you know what the saddest part is?

I hate myself for hating you.
I feel like i'm an ingrateful daughter
who never listens to her mother.
I feel like i'm selfish.
I feel like i'm ugly.
I feel like i'm not good enough and never will be.

I'm sorry i'm not perfect.

And here's the kicker:

I feel like shit because i know you're probably hurting more than i am.

You've had a worse life than me.
You've had to put up with so much shit. (ie. me for 17 years)
You've had such a terrible life,
and i'm only making it worse.


I hate myself for hating you.
But
you have to understand,
life doesn't go the exactly how you think it does.
You're not always right.
You have to accept that you, too, can make mistakes.

You can't always blame us for things that go wrong.
You can't always blame us when what you predicted isn't right.
You can't always blame us for things we can't control.


Honestly...
I cried so much,
Because i hate myself.
I cried so much,
because i really do love you.
I cried so much,
because i can't change who i am.

I'm crying because you've done so much for me and i'm so ungrateful.
I'm crying because you always do so much for me and i never acknowledge it aloud.
I'm crying because i'm a terrible daughter.

I hate myself.
I hate myself.
I hate myself.
I hate myself.
I hate myself.
I hate myself.







So in the end,
i'm going to keep crying for the rest of my life.