Glad.

I know this is stupid...
Honestly, i really do.
But it's just been a while since i've last had something like this.

Actually, i can't even compare it.
Because honestly, it's in two completely different ball parks.

It kind of scares me when you say forever.
It doesn't scare me because i don't want it, it scares me because i want it but i don't want to hope.
The last time i was promised forever, it turned out to be a lie.
He said forever, i said forever.
'Last time i told him, it wasn't just my heart he broke' (yes. that's right, i'm using a musical reference. LOL sue me. The musical is in a week!)
But...
I don't know.
I honestly don't know.
You're different.


Or at least i think you are.

I'm... finding myself to be a different person when i'm around you.
I try so hard to be normal, but then my selfish side always comes out.
I don't want to look needy or like a high maintenance girlfriend because i really dislike those people.
I don't want to become that.
But it's just so hard, you know?
When i'm around you, i just... i just start wanting more.


I want to spend more time with you.
I want to get more hugs from you.
I want to get more kisses from you.
I want you to hold me.
I want you to smile for me.

I want so much.
But i can't help but feel that i'm just being selfish and greedy.



So i don't say anything.


and i hope the feeling will go away,

but it doesn't.




It just gets stronger and stronger.
But i think i'm getting used to it now.



Hahaha... did you know that i cried last night?

It's pathetic really.
I cried because i was so looking forward to talking to you,
but i never got the chance.

I don't know if you knew i was upset or not,
but i felt like i acted like such a bitch in my texts.

I don't even know why i was so upset i didn't get to talk to you.
A few nights ago i told you that it didn't really bother me if i didn't get to talk to you for one day, and i said that because i really meant it.
It doesn't bother me.
In fact, it's probably good for us because you have your life and i have mine.

But then i just got upset last night...
and as much as i wish i could blame it on pms, i can't. because i'm not pms-ing.



It scares me a bit to see what i'm slowly becoming.

I need to control myself.


Stop wanting.
Start giving.

Stop needing.
Start understanding.

Stop pouting.
Start thinking.


After i cried - i don't really know if you can call it crying, because it was only a few tears - i just lay there and thought to myself: 'how pathetic can you be?'


This wasn't anything to cry over.
It was done out of good intention, so why was i so upset?

I need to grow up.

and i don't want to make you indulge my every whim either, because that's not going to do me any good.

In a way i'm kind of glad that you pushed me to go to sleep.

Because i know that you won't spoil me rotten, and that you will put your foot down if you have to. Also that you always try to do things for me with good intentions.



Don't worry about this.

It's just something that i have to sort out myself.

Don't feel bad.
And don't apologize for making me cry either.



I'm glad i got a wake up call.
And i'm glad i got it from you.