Care Not.

I don't want to say anything
because you are my own mother

But what you're doing is not right.

Sometimes,
you have to admit that you're wrong.


Sometimes,
you have to stop and listen.


Sometimes,
you have to take your head out of your damn ass.



I'm not 'going against you' like you would probably say if i were to open my mouth,
I'm not 'taking his side',
Nor am I 'trying to argue' with you.


I'm telling you what I see from a third person POV.


But,
i'm trying to be understanding
because you're apparently going through early menopause caused by your radiation treatments.


Sometimes i wonder if it would've been better had you divorced after all.
There would be less arguing that's for sure.

But i don't think i could choose.

I couldn't choose dad because i'm worried about your health and i don't want you to go back to work with a weak body,
and at the same time, i couldn't choose you because dad has sacrificed so much already for all of us, and if there's anyone in this world who knows true depression, it's probably him, but yet he's still the most optimistic out of all of us.


So i'm stuck sitting here,
typing my feeling onto this blog.


I hope that one day i'll have to courage to say this stuff out loud.

I haven't done so in a long time,


Last time i did,
you took me to a psychiatrist for depression.




I want so much to just yell out
something...
anything.


It's not fair.

But then again, when has God ever bothered to care?