Dreaming.

In the end i didn't cry.

I didn't cry because the moment when i was alone and i knew i could cry as much as i wanted, i knew that crying wouldn't do me any good.

This always happens.
Sigh.

I wish for once i could just let everything go and like cry my heart out. The last time i did that was back in march when the stress got to me.

But then again, the difference is, back then i had someone to listen to me.



I'm in this really... nostalgic phase right now i think.
Everything's passing by in a blur.
I keep dreaming about the past.
And i don't mean the recent past. In fact, i haven't dreamt about anything shorter than 2 years ago. (if that makes sense. not very coherent right now.)
It's strange...
and at the same time, saddening. Just a little bit.
Because it hurts.


I was so naive.
God. It's laughable now in hindsight.
I just thought that things would always be great.
That no matter what, i would always be happy.
I would always have billions of friends and we would always be together.
But then things changed.
I changed.
And suddenly I didn't like them as much anymore.
I didn't think they were that fun anymore.
And so i moved on.


Why am i dreaming about the past now?
Why am i dreaming about people i've left behind?
They say when you are dreaming, whatever it is that you dream about is what you secretly long for.
Then i guess i'm lonely.
I must be.
Or else i wouldn't be having these nostalgic dreams.
That make a distant part of me ache with sadness.




I need to do something about this.