Lid.

I wish that i could be like a normal person
and be upset.


I want to hurt.


But instead i have this uncomfortable feeling in my stomach.
The feeling i get whenever something isn't right.
The sad thing is that i KNOW what isn't right, but it's not like i can do anything about it.
And so here i am stuck with this uncomfortable feeling.



Most people would just cry, rant, and be over it.
Yet i'm stuck here feeling nothing but this unsettling feeling in my gut.


Goddamn.



What i hate the most is that i only get this feeling when i'm alone.
When i'm around other people it's gone.
When i'm around other people i'm normal.


But when i'm alone, it's back.
When i'm alone, i can't shake this damn feeling.


Fuck this.




Practice makes perfect.
I've almost perfected the art of burying my emotions and locking them up in the back of my head; in the deepest, darkest parts of my mind.

Key word being 'almost'.
The fact that i'm feeling uncomfortable means that i haven't shut the lid tightly enough on my emotions.
It means that i haven't buried it deep enough.

Hmmm... i guess there's no such thing as perfect.

I certainly hope there is though, i'd rather feel nothing than be stuck with this annoying feeling.



I hate feeling so human.

In all honesty, it makes me feel weak.


I hate being weak.



Maybe one of these days,
the darkness will swallow up everything i've buried inside me
and i'll be left
as nothing but an empty shell.


That'd be nice.